Head Above Hypocrisy's Hot Topics

Go Senior It's Your Birthday

February 14, 2022 William Jeffery / Marcus Burnette Season 6 Episode 12
Head Above Hypocrisy's Hot Topics
Go Senior It's Your Birthday
Show Notes Transcript

When Birthday celebrations start to catch up with you...let's talk about it. 

Unknown:

Are you happy?

Marcus:

From what I can remember? So what a birthday weekend. I just I know I was supposed to come in for work after my birthday. But I just now recovered. And I'm ready to record.

William Jeffery:

I don't I don't think we had a birthday we can. What would you mean? I don't, I don't recall a birthday, we can recall a lot of chores. And I had to coach to basketball games that I think cumulatively, I lost by more points than have ever been scored in a sporting competition. But I don't remember celebrating any birthdays, whose birthday was your birthday.

Marcus:

That was actually my birthday. And your birthday is right after mine for some reason.

William Jeffery:

I do have birthdays you do.

Marcus:

Sometimes you celebrate. I remember, you don't remember celebrating it. You don't remember going out. And so

William Jeffery:

I had the idea. I think I sent a text message. And then I fell asleep. That's how most of my birthdays went after I turned 30. And then when I was 20, I remember people responding to the text message, and then I fell asleep. But

Marcus:

very exciting life, you should introduce yourself.

William Jeffery:

My name is Wil and I like naps. And apparently, I'm old now. And we're dedicating this episode to me being Oh, and my back hurt. And for some reason, probably because of my birthday that you have so generously reminded me of.

Marcus:

Yeah, I mean, I thought I needed to. I'm Marcus and I thought I needed to like, give you an excuse on why I wasn't here those days. Yeah, I wouldn't

William Jeffery:

have wanted to forget that I'm old in my back hurts I had and now I'm remind. So thank you for that. Appreciate it.

Marcus:

You're welcome. Um, while you drop your intro, I can go see if I can find a gift or something for

Unknown:

you. For my back.

Marcus:

arch supports from my

William Jeffery:

feet is gonna that's gonna help my back. I mean, I know your foot bone is connected to your leg bone,

Marcus:

your legs, bones connected to your hip bone, your hip bones connected to your waist bone, your waist bones connects to your pelvic bone. And the pelvic bone is connected to something I don't know.

William Jeffery:

Nothing when you're old. It stops there. Now, I want to go look up the over 65 skeleton, I feel like you have like half the amount of bones you have, you know you're born you're all one bone. And then they break up in puberty. And then you become old. And you lose some or something like that. I need to go check because I'm old now. And I think I've loosened bones. So let me go Yeah, so bone loss is the thing in old age. Yeah, it's why you shrink. Oh, no, that's what posture thing. Well, I mean, I guess you could be losing vertebrae. I don't know, if you drink milk. I'm pretty sure once I get my first AARP card, I'll get all the information on the back about which things will stop working first,

Marcus:

I heard that you can get AARP without actually being Oh,

William Jeffery:

he probably heard that from old person who forgot the rules because they're old.

Marcus:

No, I mean, I really.

William Jeffery:

I don't know. I don't know anything about AARP, because I just got old last week, or

Marcus:

whenever all people 50 and older, are eligible. So all the old people

William Jeffery:

think that oh, it's not that young. It's like half 100 Right before it is the new ones that 40 is the new 30 and 50 still half 100 I think that's not the

Marcus:

thing. I don't think that's how the saying goes. That's just accurate math.

William Jeffery:

Right. And mathematically, you are more dead than alive at 50

Marcus:

Okay, well since this is basically a birthday episode, I was told there'd be no math. That is the theme of your show since I heard that this is going to be a birthday episode. That is where you know let's talk about certain things like a golden birthdays. What go I'm sorry what? Golden birthdays.

William Jeffery:

You he celebrate the first time he's not paying the bed. That is not a gore. Or is it the first time you have one of those art Kelly threesomes that is neither not that type of show though. So it had to be the first one. Because we got kids, right, and they do PTB. But we didn't sell them right now. No, but the birthday is when you're born, not when you sheets. Click, what is a golden burst?

Marcus:

I'm glad you finally asked and stop trying to go down the rabbit hole that you found

William Jeffery:

because I know what a golden shower is. We're not talking about that. And if you have a goal always when you get a golden shower on your birthday, because I've never had one that's disgusting. Do that.

Marcus:

I mean to find a birthday To each their own. So a golden

William Jeffery:

getting cancer for your birthday. Congratulations, you got lucky

Marcus:

and waiting for the sweet release of debt. So for a

William Jeffery:

cancer give us when you turn it gives you lots of medical bills when you turn the same age as your birthday. Yeah, so that's impossible. I was born in 1983. I'm never gonna be 1983 years old

Marcus:

today. So you were born on the 29th?

William Jeffery:

Some 39. Right? You're so on January 14, I get peed on this is a terrible who created this? Are you not following along? Because I don't want to get peed on.

Marcus:

If you don't want to get peed on you just move out the way so I've heard. But the point of what I'm trying to say is when you're young SP and taught me that when you're 29 Nine for you is your golden birth.

William Jeffery:

Nobody peed on me on my 29th birthday. I may not remember what happened. But I know that there was no urine. I'm moving on from this. Because that's something that you can't live down. Like if you pee on yourself. Even if it's your birthday, they're gonna make fun of you. Like you don't get that much of a pass. So if I was 29 and peed on myself, I think I would remember or my friends would and they tell me about it. And no one has told me about a golden birthday. So you're gonna have to take that out with Robert. I don't I don't know anything about them. All my pee is in the toilet. And a few sheets from when I was female. Right? Well

Marcus:

six, you just turned 39 And according to the internet, they're still

William Jeffery:

very controlled my bladder. Very happy I know golden birthdays over here. I've I've told some people that regular colored birthday.

Marcus:

I told some people that once I can't control my bladder like once I have to be in depends just kill me. I don't want to have to wear the power.

William Jeffery:

No, I saw the the pin stacked up at Costco and they look very respectable.

Marcus:

No man, you can't. Because you're gonna obviously be playing basketball until you are dead and gone. So

William Jeffery:

the tights are almost like a wet suit. So like if you pay a nose or you do stand in the sun for five minutes and just pee sterile anyway.

Marcus:

So the internet said these are things you may have should have done before your 39th birthday. Or you want to do you want to hear some? Let's see if you've done some of them personally.

William Jeffery:

Push Ups. Actually, no, I didn't do any push up. I think I slept at some. No, I stayed up. I don't remember what happened. What is the question? climb a mountain? What? Why would I do that once your

Marcus:

birthday? These are some of the ideas that the United said Oh, you

William Jeffery:

want me to be my last birthday? Well, I can

Marcus:

climb on small mountain. We live in LA there's mountains everywhere.

William Jeffery:

Right? And if I want to fall off of a steep I would just jump off a building. I gotta climb a mountain. I'd rather walk upstairs.

Marcus:

binge watch your favorite movie all day.

William Jeffery:

This has something to do on my birthday. Watch television. One thing that I do every day. Yeah, but like it's your birthday. Put on your socks. Like what kind of stupid? Who made this list? Become a plant parent? Okay, I think you need to start pulling lonely people. I think that their own unit. But that's the only people that would stay home and fill out these surveys. Everybody else is out on dates, or yelling at their children or at work. Or binging their favorite movies on their birthday. That is depressing. Okay,

Marcus:

I got one. Okay, you may have done this one right now I

William Jeffery:

don't do any of this stuff. This

Marcus:

is a horrible list bar hopping until the morning. You do morning but you did you not go to a bar any of these times. That was the idea.

William Jeffery:

I really don't think I made it though.

Marcus:

Do you mean you make it I was there? You

Unknown:

were at the idea.

Marcus:

I was at the bar.

William Jeffery:

Oh, you got the text message. I said I invited everybody. And then no one could get a sitter. And I did. I was like, Oh man, it's my birthday. My mom is here watching the babies. And I think oh we did we got an Uber. Me and the wife were like we should just go and then

Marcus:

you don't remember anything after that.

William Jeffery:

I know that she was tired the next morning. I think Uber got lost maybe

Marcus:

Alright, so yeah. So wow, 39th birthday. You don't even remember how you brought it in? You don't remember me driving

William Jeffery:

39 was a lot like 29 I guess I

Marcus:

drove you guys home. You kept talking about like,

William Jeffery:

you drive Uber? Oh, that's probably how you pay for them liquor tickets, though. Once again, you drove us to the bar that nobody came to

Marcus:

do there was a lot of people at that bar. You don't remember?

Unknown:

I do. I remember getting there and nobody was there.

Marcus:

So you're telling me at 39 is when memory loss starts to go? That's fine. I didn't think about that.

William Jeffery:

No, I find my memory is found. It's in my brain where it's supposed to be no. And I remember, I do remember going. We took the Uber because no one can get a sitter. And we got there. I thought we were at the wrong place. Because there was no room. But there was like a back. Pass the bathroom. Right? Right. Right. Right. And that was empty. So I sat down, I must have went to sleep. And then I guess you woke up you're like hack the Uber app ride and drove us back. Is that how my birthday is not so bad. Fell asleep in the back of the night bar. I don't even call it club because it was like a bar. With a really large bathroom. They had another bar in the back in advance. This is weird shape space. Very small, and yet still empty.

Marcus:

Great. So you get a sitter? No, I just I get you you lose your memory at 39. If you have a couple of drinks. So some people call that blacked out. Let's play the numbers game sounds very

William Jeffery:

racist. Um, a nice light brown.

Marcus:

What age do you think is the proper age according to statistics of when you should get married? Between the ages of what and what?

William Jeffery:

I don't think it's an age, I think it is a what is it? How many assets you have? And how financially aware

Marcus:

you are? I'm gonna just answer the age please.

William Jeffery:

Okay, so most men become financially coherent, late 30s. Facts are once then learned. They just all they do is learns how broke they are and how poorly So somewhere between 48 and 112.

Marcus:

The for getting married?

Unknown:

I optimal, you know, 30

Marcus:

They say the optimal age for getting married is 20 between 28 and 32.

William Jeffery:

But that's probably what life expectancy was, like 27.

Marcus:

What is the optimal age I say? To have children? Or what age? What is the last Age? They say you should have children?

Unknown:

The last?

Marcus:

They say it's optimal?

William Jeffery:

Well, I think it's 35 for women, right? And then it's like, medically irresponsible.

Marcus:

Well, they think 32 is the the having children before 32 is optimal. And then they say that decline becomes more greater after 37.

Unknown:

But the client of being

Marcus:

able to hold a baby. Oh, making financial decisions. When do you peek? What age do you keep when making financial decisions? It's like you're not going to make your best financial decisions or at least you'll make it to the top of like these are your greatest financial decisions. What age?

William Jeffery:

Oh no, right after you no longer have any financial opportunities is usually around. So whatever age that is, when it's too late.

Marcus:

I'm gonna need a number you can over three so I'll give you one point for the getting married. All right, you have not what is the

William Jeffery:

opposite of the survey? The survey is always wrong. Like it's not based on or, or humans are just what happens with Martians?

Marcus:

Can you can you give you and your listeners an age?

Unknown:

I'm 39.

Marcus:

making financial decisions peak around 50 Day says in

Unknown:

50 You gotta be dead.

Marcus:

What? Who's gonna be dead? God loving, but like who's gonna be dead at 50? The average person? Oh, I don't think so. I haven't even like oh Americans, but like our life expectancy 78 or something like that. Yeah, but

Unknown:

not able bodied. Well, they say after 60 Financial

Marcus:

Literacy starts to fall. You just don't understand money anymore. Oh, this is interesting. What age is the age you should be getting a cell phone. optimal age. We're getting a cell phone. Yeah, what age is the optimal age for people getting a cell phone?

William Jeffery:

Oh, no. Whenever you start learning how to read. Yeah, great question. 12 is the age. Kids are dumb. It takes them 12 years. Literally years old is the age HIPAA sanction. And she can read she has a cell phone. She had one when she was one. They didn't have to have a cell. Oh, but because my wife got a new phone and we have the old one they didn't want back because it was so old anything to do with it. So we let her have it. And she rearranged all the apps.

Marcus:

This is also why kids end up ordering things off of amazon for their parents

William Jeffery:

to work, the parental controls, when are you going to even given kids devices forever? They never order 407 Popsicles.

Marcus:

When is the age you're going to master the vocabulary

Unknown:

that you can't master? Yeah,

Marcus:

no, you're going to top your vocabulary list. This is as much as information of vocabulary you will be able to get this is prodigious as your vocabulary will ever get ever become. What age? Nil, right? Perfect, late 60s or early 70s? Is what they say.

William Jeffery:

I guess that's when dementia sets it. And so it's not that you're not when your vocabulary stops growing. It's when you stop holding on to the words you already know. So that's fair. Okay, I misunderstood the question. bodybuilding. Body building is for young people.

Marcus:

Right. So when is the peak age for bodybuilding?

Unknown:

No. 15

Marcus:

Yes, but what is the like age when it's like, this is the best you're

William Jeffery:

going to be able to do bodybuilding in general is bad for you. So, certainly, you said it's, it's not even you can't like there's no athletic pursuit that bodybuilding lends it to self to it's just making muscles large for the sake of being large. One could argue that a fat contest would be equally, you know, relevant.

Marcus:

25 is the peak age for bodybuilding. For morbid obesity as

Unknown:

well, I bet

Marcus:

35 to 40 is when your strength starts to plateau. Yeah, sure. One more year, that is the strongest you'll ever be.

William Jeffery:

Now that happened 10 years ago.

Marcus:

Oh, no. When you were 25 That was like this. Yeah, you were ah, you know, what? Now once you get 40, like, that's your strengths are supplanted.

William Jeffery:

That's 30. Well, actually, your strength starts to decline once you have children. One, if you add marriage to that, then you just pat is basically gone.

Marcus:

Once you hit a 65 25% loss of your peak strength,

William Jeffery:

right, because now you've got dementia, and you're lucky to be alive at 65. Like that. It's should just be for life. If the answer is until 65, then it's your whole life. Because after 65 You're just a large baby. So it doesn't really count. Like yeah, you're alive. But do you? Are you sure? Can you prove it?

Marcus:

To me? What is the optimal age to be alive, I guess? Or what is the optimal age from life to in in your, in your? When have you seen your brains

William Jeffery:

functioning logically? Okay. Well, actually, that's not true because I couldn't do the whole Steven Holl I couldn't be a computer in a wheelchair. I might just might not be smart enough. But I need my body. Right. Yeah, I've developed that crutch. So yeah, I, I. I told him I tore my Achilles the day before Jamison was born. So I was immobilized. And I have never appreciated mobility more. So I don't care how smart I am. Give me my legs.

Marcus:

Gotcha. Well, then at least one arm or if you're like cane assisted

William Jeffery:

cane like for his brother? Why? Like, I do not. I want a different Butler to aggressively break into teacups off if you had a

Marcus:

walking assistant stick or some type of walking assistant device. And not a person? No, not a person. Just a stick inanimate object. a walking stick? So

William Jeffery:

not a Gandalf? Why am I Gandalf is you have

Marcus:

a limp and only one of your legs work both your legs barely work they're not strong and you need an I'm poor so I have a stick you refuse to get a wheelchair according to your analogy.

William Jeffery:

So what is the what type of stick I would get a magical one that would fix my limp? I don't I'm sorry what was the question?

Marcus:

Anyways, I think they need to recheck your ID maybe you're starting to suffer.

William Jeffery:

Hey, birthdays are rough. Apparently I had some drinks and they can affect your memory.

Marcus:

You still recuperating?

William Jeffery:

Not one fine. I just don't remember how we got here.

Marcus:

I drew so we think about it all. How long did recovery take you in your back like your toys? for a night out like you just have for your birthday? You didn't even drink that much. You were dancing? You had some drinks?

William Jeffery:

Oh no, I didn't recover. There's always practice so just leave and go home or not. That's not true. norms are Denny's because they're the only place that'll be open. When the sun would come up, I will go home and change and fill up my bag with Gatorade and towels and stuff. And then I will go to the gym,

Marcus:

right? And now like how many maps do you need to take? Just to recover from like your night? Which you're still obviously recovering from?

William Jeffery:

Oh, it's fine. I was just not very productive. I was awake. I just didn't move. Was a locked in syndrome. I think there's a house episode about it. It's on there. So yeah, we're just open, right? Hey, can somebody come bring me some cereal or some tire icing? I don't think I need eggs, some greasy. But it's fine. It's cool. I do it again, in a year. Maybe two, depending on if I can get a sitter. And if you're still driving Uber, because I don't know how he got home. Otherwise. I remember. No, I don't remember. Remember. I have no idea how we got here. But yeah, now it's fine. It's good. I think. So I was told there's a video actually did have. Yeah, there were there was a DJ finally got there. He was I think we were just early. We were early. Because we don't want to fall asleep. Right. Right. And I fell asleep anyway. But then I woke up drunk, I guess I don't know.

Marcus:

Well, that concludes we discussed some age stuff. If we

William Jeffery:

didn't we just found out that is 65. Your brain, right? That was really what the reoccurring. You're the Nope, you're wrong. 65 Well, it doesn't count. If you're going to be dead in a week. Like, I don't understand why they even made that lady list a terrible. And then you know what you should do for your birthday, you should be alone and read a book. And while watching your favorite show.

Marcus:

Have you ever had when was the last time you have kids? When's the last time you were alone to read a book? Think about it.

William Jeffery:

I don't know. But I'm not going to designate my year of birth to be alone and read a book, do whatever you want. It's your birthday. And that is not what I want to do what I do. And I hope no one else does, either. Because it's not something that's difficult to do. Even with children. I can sit and read now for long periods of time, but they sleep and I stay up longer than that. So, you know, if I really wanted to, I could take the 17 minutes that I attempt to play video games and read four and a half pages of Harry Potter. But you know, I would rather shoot zombies and drive around Los Santos.

Marcus:

Did you get anything good favorite thing, any gifts?

William Jeffery:

I got 80 Now that's not true. I got 30% of my outfit. I got some Laker gear. I got some T shirts from the kids that apparently was like a very long and drawn out target trip. But they did good. I like both. And I got a bunch of money. My sister and her fiance so you know it was a good it was the let's get birthday All Things Considered. I mean, they're all terrible after about 25 Because, you know you're counting backwards really. But all things considered, you know, celebrating not being dead yet. It was it was decent, I suppose.

Marcus:

You know, listening to that list of gifts. It sounds like you're missing a couple

William Jeffery:

your I did not get an empty room to binge my favorite television show and celebrate my birth with loneliness. Maybe next year, I will ask for depression for my birthday. And everyone will ignore me and I can go through this list like Oh, lucky me. I have all these friends to not hang out with on my birthday.

Marcus:

I met read this book while watching this show. Yeah, I met more like you know,

William Jeffery:

I someone should have gotten me one of my own hoodies for my birthday. Oh yeah was great love. That was fantastic. See, this is what happened. But you know what? I'm recovering bro. You know, this is the best the best live are always terrible pass. So yeah, I really wish someone has gone on my website and bought themselves one of my shirts for me. That would be great. You know, I mean, there's nothing cooler than getting a t shirt with your own face on it for your birthday.

Marcus:

Let me be purchased it that that that's you get your own merchandise. You

William Jeffery:

know what I want you to do for my birthday. I want you to buy yourself a shirt and keep it and just take a picture of it. Do that that would be better. Don't don't buy it for me please. I have enough of my own shirts so

Marcus:

I shouldn't have got you just head above hypocrisy mug for you.

William Jeffery:

Now man, the people you got them likely tickets from we're gonna be upset that you Buying T shirts. So you still owe them money. But you know, I'm not old enough to understand money. So maybe in another 10 years, I have to explain to you why you shouldn't buy T shirts when you're still paying for like your ticket.

Marcus:

Right? And I mean, and I appreciate, I appreciate that, you know, you invited me as you planned this plane, I appreciate you inviting me to that Laker game. But I'm very confused on why there's money being deducted for said game, and snacks that I didn't get to enjoy out of my head above epoxy check.

William Jeffery:

Because we went and saw the game in America and not Canada. And that is the way the capitalism works goods and services me for a game that you invited me to house we don't get in, you need tickets. And tickets cost money, right. But unless, of course, you're a stripper and you can pay for them. I mean, but that's still just a way to generate money. However you got the money is up to you. But you got to get the money to pay for the tickets so we can get inside. I don't know, or we can try to sneak in. But you know, it's hard to dine and dash when the meal is like two and a half hours long like dinners, you get an hour 45 minutes to get out the door. And like the exits at the staple, crip marine whatever it's called. You can't just you know, you can sit right by the door Denny's, you can't sit the arena and the exit you got to go down like three escalators. And then it's like, you know, people in purple vests checking you tickets everywhere. It's just, I rather just buy the tickets. So that's why you bought them. made sense to me. So I guess that's the moral of the story on your birthday. You invite people to Laker games, and you know, they got to buy the tickets, because it's your birthday? And how else are you going to get in. And also always record your birthday shenanigans, because you might forget. And you wouldn't want to forget dancing off beat drunkenly with all your friends. But of course, if you're doing it right, you'll be in a basement somewhere, reading a dictionary according to the internet. So maybe that's the moral of the story. Don't check the internet for birthday ideas, right? It's your day, do what you want. Celebrate yourself however you see fit. And if it's reading the book in the basement, then reevaluate because you got it wrong. Yeah, that's my advice. You know what you can do? You can listen to this episode. And you know, but you have listened to it in its entirety. I know a lot of people like to skim. If you listen to the first half, you're like, Oh, I got it. Right. I'm depressed. I'm spending my birthday. As as designed. But if you listen to the and you're like, oh, no, the internet got this one wrong. Sometimes I get stuff wrong. They do. You know, my podcast is not currently ranked where I'd like it to be so you know, it's not it's not 100% foolproof, you know, I think I'm amazing. They got me a ring. And I know we're gonna talk about that. You know, I'm it's my birthday. I'm gonna go drink some water. And I think I'm probably gonna make that trip to Denny's because we don't have food on the website yet. But coming soon and above hypocrisy hashbrowns. The the hangover cure for the ages? Yeah, but Happy Birthday to any fellow Aquarius listeners. I hope you are equally impaled from having having so much fun. It was totally worth it. I think if I remember correctly, I don't know. Maybe it was worth it. Just listen to the episode. Happy birthday tonight. Chicago target didn't talk about target. Gotta shout them out. I did. I swear I got my birthday presents. Well, sorry, whatever. It takes a long time to get off an airplane right you land and the pilot keeps talking anyway this is very normal, you know, dis boarding off boarding but I don't fly a lot because I don't trust pilots. But they land you got to get all your bags down it's a whole process there's a funny you know what the ball girl to tell us a joke. She's got a funny sound clip floating around the internet about how people are stupid when they you know hop about their seats on the plane. So don't be surprised. I'm still talking. This was a real you know, we're simulating this is flight simulator 2000. By the time you listen to this show, you can fly a plane or so I'm told. But don't quote me on that.