Boris the Bear

Russia...shakes head...let's talk about it. 

Transcript

William Jeffery: 0:00

So much to say what we're talking about. I'm ready. The headphones are plugged in. The microphones clearly are working. I can hear myself. Um, well, your name is unprepared it would seem

Marcus: 0:09

No, it's Marcus. Like how you did that? Just that was that was good. But I caught I caught on but this is a Yeah, no, no, you are will. I'm Marcus and this is what?

William Jeffery: 0:20

This is my garage. Oh, this show is head above toxic in case somehow this is the first time you're listening. Right? You know what if so, welcome, welcome. We're glad to have you. I apologize in advance for whatever I may say or do in the next 15 to 25 minutes.

Marcus: 0:41

Right, right, right. Oh, I heard you guys are like exclusively on Apple radio or something. Or

William Jeffery: 0:46

if you have children or know someone with children, and they need some unsolicited advice. I do have my Dad's Corner over podcasts. Okay, exclusively. They signed me. It's kind of a big deal. I'm just kidding.

Marcus: 1:06

I like how you know, like your apple.

William Jeffery: 1:09

Apple in the morning. We did no such thing.

Marcus: 1:14

Well, congratulations. I'm happy for me. Oh, Dad's Corner getting picked up on that.

William Jeffery: 1:18

I hope they do. Sue me up. I'll do better numbers either way, right. No, that would be awesome. I really did get signed or didn't I get sued either way. infamy is always a great thing. Right? It's all famous. It's speeding. Same thing. It just means you're in fame. I thought that's I thought it was the French term for famous.

Marcus: 1:36

I'm not sure I don't speak French. But speaking of French, I'm not clearly speaking French speaking of famous, you heard about that? 500 pound bear named the tank. Hank the tank. He's pretty famous. There's a famous bear yeas and breaking into homes everywhere.

William Jeffery: 1:53

Is that like a Russian dig

Marcus: 1:57

no

William Jeffery: 1:59

sure the bears name not Boris. Bears over there.

Marcus: 2:03

Shout out to Ukraine

William Jeffery: 2:04

Are you sure we stand with Ukraine? We stay at no we stay in America do you mean me stay in the American but like we support Ukraine right the show? Yeah, sure. I don't want it we support whoever's listening I don't think they get us in Russia is you know it's like the bad Korea you know that would just trying to ensure the bandwidth of the range we don't they and they control the internet. So you know. I don't think they support jump shots. At any rate, it's too cold. You can't play. I'm ago I'm a fighter. Find out how many NBA players are in Russia? I was right there aren't no NBA play. Oh, no, that's not true. Uh, isn't isn't the seven foot dude. In Dallas. Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris

Marcus: 3:31

Porzingis. Yeah, I have no idea if he's Russian or not.

William Jeffery: 3:34

I think I think he might be might be. Okay, so they got one. Hooper? Frozen. Tundra Pisa. Yeah, yeah. Communism, right.

Marcus: 3:45

Yeah, they are. So I mean, I It's alright, so I'll get to the bear story later,

William Jeffery: 3:52

right. The Russian Bear NOT he wasn't rushing. Is it a dancing bear?

Marcus: 3:56

It is a bear. Oh,

William Jeffery: 3:58

is it a Naughty Bear? Because it's not that kind of show. That

Marcus: 4:02

is a naughty Wait, what's a Naughty Bear?

William Jeffery: 4:04

Isn't that a term for like a fuzzy homosexual?

Marcus: 4:08

I don't. I think you're mixing a lot of things together. Is the group of fuzzy

William Jeffery: 4:13

No, no, no, no, not the Furby people. I thought that like bears.

Marcus: 4:19

Oh, yeah.

William Jeffery: 4:22

Lumberjacks? Like if Paul Bunyan you know, had a limp wrist.

Marcus: 4:28

I think we should stop but yeah, no, I

William Jeffery: 4:29

think it's more the most respectful way. I don't care. It's like Joe Bunyan. That's none of my business. Right? You do whatever you want with the trees in the woods. Right but I thought that that's what a bear was was I believe gay person.

Marcus: 4:49

I believe you're correct. Um, I

William Jeffery: 4:51

with all due respect, right? No, I actually no, I really am trying to get cancelled because I think that that would improve my no I would my reach would Expand

Marcus: 5:00

because we won't be out to hate you and without some with so much hate. The thing

William Jeffery: 5:05

about getting canceled is they're very thorough. So what they do is they listen, okay, and improve your numbers and then tell you how much they hate you and that you're wrong. And I just be a tune in next week to find out what I'm gonna get wrong next. And you know, meanwhile, my numbers are going up, right, and they still work at Kinkos, which has been out of business for decades

Marcus: 5:27

for Kinkos. And they're doing quite well with FedEx, actually. Anyways,

William Jeffery: 5:30

I have no idea. So before

Marcus: 5:33

we get to Russia, I guess since we're gonna touch on that note, it's not a Russian bear. It is.

William Jeffery: 5:39

Or a dancing bear or dancing bear any other bear? Other bears? Right. Not. Not any of those bears.

Marcus: 5:45

But it is a bear in Lake Tahoe. It's a it's been going hidden. 500 pound bear. It's really huge.

William Jeffery: 5:54

That was a bear that likes white people. And black people in town.

Marcus: 5:58

Don't some people like vacation in Lake Tahoe?

William Jeffery: 6:01

You know, white people, not black. I mean, maybe three in order, you know, are standing for the operation of those metrics in order to really listen to head above boxy. I will if they did, they would hurry up and come back home because apparently there's bears out there. And we don't do wild animals. We don't even like large dogs.

Marcus: 6:19

So this bear has been spotted over more than 100 times and it's broken into 28 homes counting 28 homes looking for food.

William Jeffery: 6:27

Wow. Well, if they want to catch it, they should say it's a man named Jamal. wearing a hoodie with nothing in his back pocket. That's just

Marcus: 6:40

so alright. And that's that

William Jeffery: 6:42

was the bear story that you need to capture the bear. It's so easy to get. So freakin into people's house. Now. Why would you do that? Why would you stop it from breaking into people's houses? Yeah. I don't know. I guess I'm asking the wrong question.

Marcus: 7:01

I feel like you are it hasn't attacked anyone this is breaking into homes. People should like lock up their homes better. I think

William Jeffery: 7:07

they did. And the bear broke it locks are designed to prevent human burglars from breaking and entering. Not lions and tigers and bears.

Marcus: 7:18

Oh my. Well, it seems like they are we don't live in ours. Right. Well, it seems like because they live in Lake Tahoe. They should have you know,

William Jeffery: 7:28

I'm trying to advocate for my seven white listeners and Dahu they don't want their jet skis. And you know, avocado toast getting ruined, because nobody wants to catch boars if they would just report.

Marcus: 7:43

The bears name is Hank, the team. All they got to do is

William Jeffery: 7:45

call the police and report a suspicious minority. We won't even be specific. Right? We're gonna clean the joke up. A suspicious minority has been snooping around.

Marcus: 7:55

And then when they get there and they see the bear what are they gonna do just run away? Right? It's a huge bear.

William Jeffery: 8:00

When normally they just shoot when it's a minority they don't they find out what it

Marcus: 8:06

is they're ready to shoot the bear. It's a

William Jeffery: 8:09

moment either way. Either they solve the bear problem or they stop shooting first and ask them questions live. Because that's just gonna get you mauled by a bear. It's a win win.

Marcus: 8:22

Or Molotov thrown at you see a segue. So Ukrainian people bears Kanto monitor often have you said Russians earlier in Russia? The bear was Russian

William Jeffery: 8:31

well now but yeah, but I didn't realize it was a Caucasian bear. Well, yeah,

Marcus: 8:34

but like now because you said like following direction you take a bear from Tahoe to Russia, it

William Jeffery: 8:39

will die immediately. Well, I mean, not if it was like able to adapt to what the other bears not if it was live in Tahoe.

Marcus: 8:46

I really haven't this discussion about bears.

William Jeffery: 8:48

I thought that was what you open the show. Yeah, a bear. A bear story. And then five minutes in, you're going to ask me if we're really going to talk about bears. I don't know. Are we tell me Mr. Research, man. I'm sorry. Right. And you said we were talking about bears? I'm talking about bears. Why would you ask me if we're gonna talk about bears? If that's what you told me, we're talking about Greg not listen when you speak. I mean, that's my job.

Marcus: 9:21

Alright, so that brings me to my next topic. We'll circle back to the bear the bear Yeah,

William Jeffery: 9:26

probably should just leave the bear to entertain the white people because clearly they're not upset about it. They want to break in and they don't want to euthanize

Marcus: 9:39

they would just like for the problems they would just like for the bear to stop breaking into stuff.

William Jeffery: 9:46

For my fig. Anyway, I just you know, I really wish that we valued human life where we valued bare

Marcus: 9:54

life or maybe nice, I guess.

William Jeffery: 9:58

In in my Utopia In dreams, that is the society I idealized for one that values human life over their life, right? When put up against it, not just right, we're not just going out there shooting bears for fun. But if they're breaking into our houses, because if it were a person, right, then we would shoot it. But because it's a bear, I shoot the bear. We just document how many times we break stuff. Like I don't even understand. If you don't do anything about it. Why keep count?

Marcus: 10:32

Because you want to charge the bear with breaking it in three? I don't know.

William Jeffery: 10:38

Yeah, Tahoe people. So what I do in the Russia, Russia, Russians would have they wouldn't be a store

Marcus: 10:45

where Russians are doing the same thing in bear form. They're invading a country that's not theirs. And oh, boy, what not to get political. But the question

William Jeffery: 10:56

that was just I suppose that's a segue.

Marcus: 11:01

It is a segue. So the question by mission. Thank you. The question I have for you is, you've heard of Russia.

William Jeffery: 11:08

Yes. And apparently the Ukraine. I've heard of both of them. You've heard of those Coronavirus? Yeah, no.

Marcus: 11:21

Yeah. What does it be? I said earlier during practice during rehearsal, and I can't say their name now. The Heckler and catch the Russian and Ukrainian boxers. The Ukrainian boxer.

William Jeffery: 11:34

Yeah. Champ. Oh, the Klitschko brothers.

Marcus: 11:36

Thank you. Yes. So those two brothers are out there. joining their people in Ukraine and fighting this war against Russia. For the military training, just you know, pick up the arms and we're

William Jeffery: 11:49

because yeah, this is this not it, man. You can't it's not gonna be a boxing match for your freedom. They're not gonna just Oh, yeah, no, I got to get their two biggest Russians and like, alright, fight and then as long as you don't die in the ring, we'll stop invading you like would be a great

Marcus: 12:04

way to end wars.

William Jeffery: 12:05

You can't even hold a gun with boxing gloves are you know, I got what I'm doing. Well, they're out there. And they're 100 years old with a box of brain damage.

Marcus: 12:13

They're, they're fighting for their home.

William Jeffery: 12:16

They don't live there. You just said they flew back. Let me

Marcus: 12:19

fight. Yes. Well, I mean, look, the point is, they're they're fighting for their country, and I admire that the people are fighting for their home. Which brings me to one question for you.

William Jeffery: 12:28

Yeah, what No, I'm not gonna be a boxer because I don't want to get hit in the face. Alright, so America is gonna be invaded by me in my face then I'm gonna do whatever I feel necessary to get satisfaction. So so damn the gloves.

Marcus: 12:42

America gets invaded by like, I don't know. Canada or like that red

William Jeffery: 12:47

What is it red? Dawn Oh, Red Dawn. Yeah, like Yeah. Red Nose I mean yeah, like what the parachute

Marcus: 12:54

Yeah, so we're invaded you know some people flee some people stay Do you stay to fight

William Jeffery: 13:02

to fight the invaders with all of my paramilitary training I mean, again this is not like Coach Carter call of duty version and not gonna be like alright get your best for against our you know, United Nations invasions play 211 for your freedom. It would be like a 2121 if it would in America safe 333 Verse three that's fine. We see how basketball goals in the Olympics they're not going to do that. Oh, if anything they'll challenge us to like I don't know gymnastics and some were not doing so well there.

Marcus: 13:40

But no, I mean like war like you know, would you like pick up arms? If they were like hey,

William Jeffery: 13:47

if they came to my house when the war Yes, I'm not gonna go look for a fight. When I leave the safety of my home to go no, no, no superpowers.

Marcus: 13:58

I don't mean leaving your home. I mean, if they're if America was handing out rifles, right? And they were like, look, go

William Jeffery: 14:06

get wonderful at war and take it back home in case someone comes to my house right?

Marcus: 14:11

It look all they want you is for you to defend. They're not telling you. You're not drafting you per se.

William Jeffery: 14:16

Of course. I'm gonna defend my house. We're not at war. I'm gonna do that today. Let one of these uppity crackheads come down here talking too loud. And you will see all sorts of great defense. I can imagine that you do have some pretty cracking everybody does these days. They do every we all broke. Everybody is two paychecks away from being an uppity crackhead. Yeah, especially if we don't know why when you become poor though, you pick up a drug habit because it's expensive. So you would think we

Marcus: 14:44

you pick up well, I mean, you pick up a lower version of the drink habit.

William Jeffery: 14:49

I mean, I just even think they would just pick up obesity. People do crack eaten dollar cheeseburgers all the time.

Marcus: 14:56

Poor people do crack ratio do cocaine.

William Jeffery: 15:01

Right, right, but if they didn't do crack then they could probably live in a house.

Marcus: 15:06

Yeah, but then they wouldn't have crack. Right but they could have cheeseburgers but they want crack.

William Jeffery: 15:11

But cheeseburgers made from McDonald's almost the same thing

Marcus: 15:16

as me gun sponsorship, so yeah,

William Jeffery: 15:18

I'm not doing them to people like Oprah money.

Marcus: 15:21

So what the brothers fighting is there any? Is there any celebrities you would want fighting on the front line with you?

William Jeffery: 15:30

I don't know. Are there any celebrities that also were in the army?

Marcus: 15:36

Oh Wesley Snipes.

William Jeffery: 15:37

I do before a war what good is good acting gonna do if we have to fight people not

Marcus: 15:43

to be actors. Snoop Dogg. I take Snoop Dogg and all of the Crips. He wants to help.

William Jeffery: 15:49

People that deaths Snoop Dogg was 85 pounds.

Marcus: 15:53

I'm sure he can handle it guys,

William Jeffery: 15:54

cuz he's got 15 pounds of dreadlocks.

Marcus: 15:56

I'm sure he tamblingan

William Jeffery: 15:59

depending on what size maybe a hand like a 38

Marcus: 16:03

I would say he 40 And wow, I would say he 40 And the whole Federation but I feel like they just leave in fleeted like camo

William Jeffery: 16:11

Federation.

Marcus: 16:16

That was the name of the group. All right. Oh, 115 of those dudes from Oakland, the Federation.

William Jeffery: 16:22

Send America. Do the white tees. Big collars. He dances.

Marcus: 16:33

I'm sure if then AR fu teens or whatever America was dishing out,

William Jeffery: 16:37

dance and shoot at the same time.

Marcus: 16:40

Why do we have to be so ignorant?

William Jeffery: 16:42

Because you're picking celebrities, rappers and athletes to defend the country. We have a whole arm we spend so much money on defense. You can go pick the one group of people that don't have a liquid training all the countries we should be ready. I don't care if war happens while I'm recording. Now. We that's the only thing we consistently spend money or we don't care about the environment. We don't care about poor people. We don't care about the children's education. We don't care about health. None of that we care about army nukes, missiles, drones. That's what we care about. So no, I don't want Leonardo DiCaprio. Dog. Jay Z. None of them. I don't want interest. I don't care how good he played the damn detective. I don't know. Maybe the right he's big as hell. He just put him in the front and they might leave. The whole country just sent him to a meeting and yeah, he's our president just glared. Negotiating. Show him the tattoo. Yeah, no, it's the big ball cuz he's Yeah, he'll take know him. You got to talk to the rock. Yeah, no, he would. Yeah. He would just tell it dad joke and then everyone last thing in the Maui song we'd be invaded by lunchtime He's too nice. He's really I would never tell him that. I would tell Mike Tyson to tell him that that's that's how I would lay my

Marcus: 18:13

mike tyson on the front line with you.

William Jeffery: 18:16

I want him on the front line not with me I again I will be at home I am not a lawyer I'm not a soldier. I am a family I got you like you know the airport want me to be a warrior and a soldier bring some nonsense to my front door I'm just saying then I got all the warrior soldier

Marcus: 18:34

you want according to Red Dawn paratroopers have fallen in so like right so

William Jeffery: 18:37

then I'm gonna go I guess to the what is it urban Lee get my government issued rifle and shoot them out of the sky and go back in my house. I'm not gonna be like art well now it's time for me to go find the fight. And you know put my life more at risk clearly is already at risk at home. Why would I go increase that? I got babies. You keep forgetting the babies right? No,

Marcus: 19:01

that's right. That's That's true. Not Don't forget I just

William Jeffery: 19:03

if I didn't have baby I wouldn't I would just leave. Right but I can't leave. I'm not trying to travel with children that don't I can't We can't get through the mall. Without an emergency without you know, some sort of catastrophe. Somebody wandering off asking for pretzels. And it'd be a war. They got to go pee. I'm trying to flee the country. We're taking potty breaks every seven minutes. I forgot my shoes. We can't leave the country in Crocs and one sock now we got to go back home. We didn't bring any snacks. We get five minutes down the road. We're out of applesauce. I got to just the waters room temperature. I'm thirsty. I don't want that. You said you were thirsty. Drink water. I don't want water. Well, you said you were thirsty. I want apple juice. We are fleeing the country. All I have is this canteen. Well I don't want to go. We are at war we have

Marcus: 19:56

you know if you'd like more scenarios like that, please check out that.

William Jeffery: 19:59

So What you do is you sit in the rock and a five year old do all the negotiating. They'll never be a war. They just go kill themselves. There'll be Debbie fetching applesauce and making macaroni and cheese and trying to figure out how to genetically engineer someone the same size as the rock all at the same time. It would bankrupt the whole country and drive the government insane. To get a five year old and rock, solve all problems.

Marcus: 20:28

Shout out to the situation. shouty not wait, that's not Shanti Shanti Great. Hope they hope they

William Jeffery: 20:34

win. You suggesting the higher the rock?

Marcus: 20:38

I'm CJ, I don't know. You know, the President's pretty badass though. I will say that.

William Jeffery: 20:43

Biden? No, not

Marcus: 20:45

President Joe Biden. I'm talking about

William Jeffery: 20:48

this fool called him Oh, is he Russian? Or Joe Biden. He's the Irish. He's

Marcus: 20:55

like Obama but Biden. President Oh, Biden.

William Jeffery: 20:59

Like that's unfortunate for Obama. I don't know if I'd sign off that like

Marcus: 21:06

Alinsky the Ukrainian president real quick. So I think America called him I was like, Yo, man, your country's getting invaded. Do you need a plane out of there? He's like,

William Jeffery: 21:18

I don't they didn't call him recently. I'm pretty sure he knew that already. He said they real pissed if I was the president of Ukraine and say Hey, she get hit invaded. Oh, no. Like

Marcus: 21:33

his response was I don't need a plane. I need bullets.

William Jeffery: 21:37

Hurry up run the dope fame pull backup. Think is shot. Did we send them a shot? That's the song. I thought you were singing a song.

Marcus: 21:47

That's not what I was singing but I got you. You were on the same page. Now.

William Jeffery: 21:50

I thought. I thought you liked him because he listened to slick. He like hip hop. They were playing gangsta rap. In the one tank they have defending the whole could they have more than one? I got like 70 Right. I'm sorry. They got

Marcus: 22:03

like drones and stuff. They didn't actually do 12 They're probably gonna win. I think they're gonna be winning.

William Jeffery: 22:08

I don't know. This is the Alamo man. losing battle. We'll find out. We'll find some numbers. Like Well, good luck to the Ukraine. I suppose. I wonder if there's anyone that supports Russia. Wonder who Trump supporters want to win? History would say Russia right because aren't they friends? I wonder if this is a hole. Oh, that's not good. Oh boy. The conspiracy people probably having a good old time with this mess. I forgot about how they ruin the last. Oh, geez. Yeah, go Ukraine. I hate Russia. They broke Facebook. Forget them. And Facebook owns Instagram and it's the only social media I understand at this point in my old age so Russia can go suck an egg is a family show so you know I can't tell them how I really feel but the Ukraine can apparently take away the news lady she was like oh, well they they said to go f f yourself it was great. And she really I guess she was doing a masala by giving them the F that was that was awesome. I guess well not really because it did now so higher the rock so you don't have to go to war. Or you know what? You know what the moral of this story is hire specialists to do specialized jobs right? This is how we got the mess with the stupid pandemic we didn't listen to scientists whose job it is to study you know pandemics or epic dynamics or whatever you know you got epic didn't mean ology you have people who go to school their whole lives to study and we're like yeah, not whatever you don't know what you're talking about the internet they know and this crazy old rich do that accidentally became president that's that's who knows not to people who spent their knives you know studying. So if you're at war, use your army don't don't hire celebrities don't get athletes pick the people that are you know supposed to do the job because that's what they're supposed to do. And when it's time to do it listen like it doesn't make sense to have people spend all this time specializing in something and then when it comes time for them it's like they fight their one moment to utilize this random skill that they have perfect now you know what? Nevermind. We're gonna just we're gonna trust this Google search. Forget forget your you know lifetime of studying who cares that you devoted your life? I like this Google. Does this result I think is good. It aligns with how I felt already anyway. And what you're saying doesn't so I'm a gold makes me feel better regard you know, as opposed to what may actually be the case. Ace. So that is that's the list here go defects. But you know, good luck to Ukraine. Maybe we'll send them some hoodies because it's cold. I know that it's cold over there. And these hoodies are lined with whatever hoodies are lined with. I don't know, I don't make them. But I know that they're warm because I have several of them and I wear them and they keep me warm. They also keep me out of war. So you know, maybe put them on stay home. I'm not going to worry. I'm not fighting for nobody. But the people that eat cereal out of my cabinet. That is that's who I fight for. So you wanna you want to see me fight? And you have to come to my house. And I'm not gonna tell you where I live. And I might not answer the door because I'll be sleep a lot. Sleeping so I can work working so I can sleep. I don't have time for for your wars. I don't really know. So well. Good luck. If that's what you're into. I know there plenty of people that are. I'm just not. But Russia. Boy, I forgot I forgot about them. That's not good. That is not good. I got the solution though. So just you know, keep listening. I gotta, I gotta get a little Russian listener. I only got France and they're not so good at war. I appreciate your support, though. You guys do wonderful things with potato. Yes, I should go target in front of the Ukraine. If they can get target to sponsor the Ukraine then they would win the war or they'd be well dressed and well fed while losing tell me target even Walmart now cuz then all their supplies would fall apart. And they would have terrible customer service. They'd have to fight the people delivering them and yeah, now no more. Do you know what somebody told me? That it was time for me to go. I'll see you guys later. Can I turn this thing on the damn computer went to sleep Clearly I've been talking to Oh, that is how you know your computer's like, Hey, shut up. I'm going to sleep